Monday, March 8, 2010

Ups and downs

Today was a tough day for me. It is hard to put into words the feelings that I have when it comes to my sweet son. His body is growing up and maturing into a young man. He is growing taller and he has the most amazing sweet spirit about him. His smile can light up any room that he enters. He can make even the darkest of days seem a little bit brighter. He will always have a "little boy" brain...he was born into innocence and he will leave this world in innocence someday. I am responsible for his safety and his happiness during his time here on earth. I can't believe that I have been entrusted with such a would have thought something like this could happen to me. There are some days that I look at him and he seems so "normal" to me. There are also the days that I look at him and he seems so lost in this world. I celebrate all the small milestones that he reaches. It is the simple things in life that matter in Raymond's world. I will never forget the day, about a month ago, when his teacher texted me and told me I needed to check my emails immediately. She had sent me a video of him writing the letter "R" for the very first time. I was jumping up and down! I couldn't believe what I was seeing. For so long...his teachers, aids, and therapists have been trying to get him to write. This is a difficult task for him and he did it! As we celebrate in the ups...we have to prepare ourselves for some downs. Sometimes new skills are short lived in his is as if new skills are forgotten as quickly as they appear. I am thankful for the special moments that we have with him. I don't really care if he will ever be able to write an "R" again...I was able to see it once and that is enough for me. His brain is not never will be. Doctors and specialists can't explain why his brain works the way it does. They can't fix it and make it better. The only thing that matters is that he loves me and I love him! I don't think that I could ask for anything more than that.


  1. How special that you have that video! What awesome teachers he must have!

  2. Raymond is awesome. I have a nephew with autism. These innocent children are so wonderful to be around. I love their spirits. Each time I see your son at church I smile and am grateful. I don't know if you've heard of Morris West (he was an author) but he said "I know what you are thinking, I need a sign. What better one could I give than to make this little one whole and new? I can do it but I will not. I am the Lord and not a conjurer. I gave this life a gift I denied to all of you, Eternal Innocence. To you he looks imperfect but to me he is flawless. He will never offend me as all of you have done. He is necessary to you; he will evoke the kindness that will keep you human. His infirmity will prompt you to gratitude for your own good fortune and more he will remind you every day that I am who I am, that my ways are not your ways and that the smallest dust mote and darkest space does not fall out of my hand. I have chosen you, you have not chosen me. This little one is my sign to you. Treasure him."
    Love you Heidi!

  3. You continue to amaze me with your excitement of being a mother. You were picked for sure to have Raymond and he is so lucky to have you and your family to love. Again just let me say YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!!!!